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Breaking Down Social Barriers at the Gym

The other day I was at the local gym in the midst of one of my all too-infrequent workouts when I spied one of those A+ little foxes that make you forget how much weight you just dialed into the machine. I reflected on how the gym represents a kind of "so-near-yet-so-far" deal when it comes to meeting women because while they may be right there prancing around covered in sexy sweat, the environment never really seems appropriate for meeting and flirting around as it does in a nightclub. People are in a different frame of mind at the gym and often broadcast a variety of non-verbal "stay away" signals that only the boldest dare challenge.

However, after a little experimentation and some intense pondering I think I may have identified a few nuggets hiding amidst this apparent wasteland, such as: 1) If they are locked-up in their own little i-pod universe, they are most likely out of reach as far as a DIRECT approach is concerned. I-pods and portable radios are by far the biggest obstacle to socializing in the gym. How do you break through to these chicks who are encapsulated in their own little world of sound and obviously trying to lock the rest of us out? You can try saying something clever to them, and if they see your lips moving will usually tear the headset off and ask "what?", but their annoyance at having to do so is apparent and this immediate negative posture is not easy to overcome.

About the only non-intrusive thing you CAN do is make solid eye contact wherever possible and quickly shoot them a friendly smile, without actually saying anything (since she can't hear anyway). If you get a good return look from her then you may have a play, but I usually store these up and wait to act on a similar positive read next time, not immediately. Again, I think patience is needed here because women seem easily put off by intrusions into their mental workout zone -- so you have to sort of wear these barriers down first in order to set them up for a possible move later on. If you can pull a favorable eye contact reaction like this on future encounters, then a bit of stop-and-chat might be in order and will certainly seem less offensive since the girl's given you some cause to open a convo with her.

Women know precisely how to use eye contact to either chill-out or lure men towards them, so learn how to follow their signals. While this laid-back sort of "ticking" action might be a little too flim-flam for some of the more impatient among you, if you're looking to protect your ego and operate "without embarrassment" as much as possible then watching for these subtle signals is the best way to improve your chances of not getting blown off in public. 2) Have one loaded in the chamber and ready to go at all times. Your chances with women at the gym will almost always seem to arrive out of the blue. an encounter at the water cooler or maybe while waiting to hop aboard a certain machine you need next in your routine, etc. So if you're serious about doing this stuff then you need to have something along the line of a Custom Compliment all figured out in advance and ready to use as an icebreaker for each and every woman that you might possibly have any interest in.

That's right, each one. so get busy and start paying attention! For instance, if you observe a chick who warms up with an elaborate floor routine that's focused on her abs, then make note of it. Watch the routine closely and spot something unique like a certain move she does or the extreme number of reps or whatever AND REMEMBER THAT. Link it up with something specific about that girl (give her some private, cutesy name like "ab-work Annie" in your own head) to form a mental association, and then file this scrap of info away into your memory bank.

Some of you will be better at this than others, what can I say? Gradually try to do this with every girl that looks worthy of your attention and slowly build up a catalog of astute observations in your mind that go along with each one. Then. when you finally DO get a chance to trade a few words with one of these cuties, rather than stumble and bumble around trying to say something amazing you'll have something cool and impressive already locked-and-loaded into your skull: "I saw your floor set the other day and I was amazed by your ab routine. You show off the results amazingly well." you casually flirt with her, ".any chance that you could take me through side-by-side and show me how it's done? I've hit the wall on my old routine, I need a change-up.

" And so there you've served up a nice little personalized compliment that's relevant to the situation AND to her -- and is immediately working to spark her up with some genuine admiration. Plus, your remark makes sense to her in this particular situation -- it's not just some canned line. This is how the High Status Male makes his powerful first impression! Now you've made a friend that you can engage on a first name basis (you remembered to get her name, right?) whenever you see her around the gym in the future. And if the vibes (eye contact, smiles, her laughing at your dumb jokes, etc.) look good, then at some point it's perfectly reasonable to step up and escalate for a get together outside of the gym.

right? This is sensible, appropriate, measured and steadily escalating aggression. Non-aggressive males get nowhere with women. Remember that. 3) Spinning is often the best thing going at the gym because it's the closest thing there is to a nightclub-like environment.

the lights are down and the dance music is thumping away. The high-cardio spinning pumps up the same adrenaline and other juicy-juices in the body that dancing does -- and you know how crazy women are when it comes to dancing! Of course, spinning classes and aerobics present the same type of problems that clubs do in that the noise and "action-distraction" levels make it hard to connect with anyone on anything other than a wholly superficial level. But you may have a chance to talk with her during the warm-ups or cool down after the class ends.

Have you got that custom compliment all ready to go? 4) It's going to take repeated tries to break through. Because people are not really in "the mood" in this environment it's tough to create a real buzz on a first meet. It may take a few encounters to get her thinking about you in a romantic sense, if at all -- and so you have to play it cool. Pay her attention when it's appropriate to do so, but never slavishly.

Certainly a fine line has to be walked here. Remember that the EYES tell the whole story when it comes to women. when your instincts tell you that you have an interested female nibbling on your line, then that's the time when you must surrender reason to those instincts and take action. This stuff is not rocket science, it's really all about specific awareness plus some motivation.

Let's face it, gyms will probably never be the ideal environment for meeting women, but these simple ideas may give you a better chance to make a play in a poor situation now and then. The way to view this entire deal is to welcome whatever opportunities you can stir up in the gym as an ADJUNCT to your other social activities -- not as your saving grace or the one place where you're exclusively hanging out to meet women. Because there are far easier ways and means to get an edge, as we'll discuss in future articles.

Reformed "social nerd" Mike Pilinski overcame an incredible case of rejection phobia by learning how to mimic certain behaviors and attitudes that women universally find attractive in so-called high status or "alpha" males. Visit Mike's website at where you'll find his highly acclaimed e-books "Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's Seduction System" and "She's Yours For The Taking: A Man's Guide to Seduction".

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